Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I've got nothing...

So lately I've pretty much been a hermit crab in this huge ocean we call life. I got some bad news from Eric last week and I haven't exactly been the same since. Before Eric left, I started having what I think were panic attacks. They are rare but have been happening more frequently. I was on the phone with him the other night and was extremely upset over something and I completely hyperventilated. I think it scared him as well as me. That's when I decided it was the final straw and I needed to get some help. I called Military One Source and I am so grateful to have such an awesome resource at my finger tips. The woman I dealt with was great and Im looking forward to what lies ahead. I was set up with a doctor whom I go to see next Monday, wish me luck I need it.

I've been doing a whole lot of keeping to myself over this past week and I cant say that I really have a desire to go out and be with my friends. I always feel like a burden for only ever talking about Eric, or what hes going through or what I'm going through. Its nothing against my friends at all and I'm glad they are here for me but something is still just missing. Maybe its that I sit back and feel guilty for being some place without Eric. I still feel lost without him and everything is much more dull and boring without him. My friends are starting to notice his lack of presence also. I sometimes feel like I need some pity and for someone to just tell me everything will be OK and not try to lecture me on how I should be talking to Eric, or what we should be saying to each other.

Its really tough and I think I'm honestly ready for this chapter of our lives to be over. We need to be together again and continue to build a strong relationship not only for ourselves but for our future children. Ill be glad when its over, in roughly 252 days.


Suzi Q said...

I'm sorry things have been so rough for you! But I am glad you got help. I get stubborn about that. Keep your chin up giiiiirl.

jessica said...

I've been wanting to leave a comment, but I just don't know quite what to say. I have NO idea what you are going through, I can only imagine and I am so sorry. My brother in law is a marine who did three tours in Iraq. Those were long, stressful months/years for us but he made it through and we are so grateful. You and Eric will get through this and this trial will only strengthen you individually and as a couple. Hang in there sweetie!

*I'm so glad you got some help! That was very courageous of you!